Remember how Orion was a giant hunter son of Poseidon who had the hots for Artemis, but eventually got killed by her albeit accidentally? This is a similar story except their are two giant sons of Poseidon and Artemis doesn't really click with them as she did with the giant hunter in the sky. This story also has Ares shoved into a jar, so that's a plus also since everyone wants to see Ares in pain or humiliation.
Yep another day, another rape, god it's great to be all powerful
So yeah Poseidon, doing his sea god thing, noticed a beautiful woman named Iphidemia who of course was some royal chick from the city of Aloeus. How did Poseidon pick up this chick? By getting at her when she least expected it! While she was sunbathing on the beach, she decided to stand at the edge and let the waves hit her. So being sneaky like a Sly raccoon, Poseidon was able to impregnate her when the seawater touched her, well you know. (Hey, I guess it was to explain why waves are so foamy)
Anyway, nine months later she gave birth to twin boys, whom she would name Otus and Ephialtes. Because they were born in Aloeus, as they grew up they would be also known as the Aloadae and by grow up I mean fast. As if they were dipped in a vat of the FEV these two boys grew at a rate of 9 fingers (I'm sorry for the weird unit of measurement, but that's what wikipedia is giving me) a month! By the time that they were NINE years old, they were nine FATHOMS tall! (That is 52 feet btw)
As you can imagine, they were pretty fucking tall by the time they were young adults, but it should be noted that the two were nowhere near as beautiful as Orion. In essence they were the Kalibak to Orion's Orion and were upset about the probable parental favoritism that their step brother got from Poseidon. (And god is it hard to make a DCAU when the character has the same name; also I made that last part up and don't know if it is true.)
Oh you think we can't get up there? Prepare to eat your words Zeus!
Being the giants that they were, the young brothers had more anger and aggression than James Harrison being told that Roger was going to be fined for hurting a QB's self confidence because he rocked him like a hurricane. But I'm getting off topic, so let's get back on track. The brothers grew not only in size, but in their ambition, this led them to hatch an incredible plan.
They were going to storm Mount Olympus and then take Artemis and Hera for their wives. Otus would get Artemis and Ephialtes would get Hera. The plan to get to Olympus was not some over complicated plan like an Ocean's 11 casino heist, but pretty straightforward.
I am of course referring that these brothers were going to rip off two MOUNTAINS and pile them up on Mount Olympus (Yeah the palace of the Olympians wasn't actually on the physical summit of the mountain) to reach the home of the Gods and go on their merry kidnapping/raping way. However, before they could do this, they found a God just as hot headed as them to kidnap.
DEAR GOD GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!!!
This god was of course everyone's favorite Greek god to hate, Ares. The God of war must had said something that pissed the two off because as soon as they got the chance, they ringed him by the shirt and stuffed him down a large bronze pithos. (storage jar) Like Satan in John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness, Ares wanted out and he was going to go pull off the mother of all temper tantrums.
He screamed and he yelled in his bronze prison, but like sympathizing with a victim in an EC Horror comic it's so hard for us to feel sorry for this bastard. Now for how long was in this jar? 13 months or a whole Lunar year stuffed in a hot storage jar and Ares probably came out a little bit ripe. Now the only reason why Ares was let out was because of two reasons:
1. The brother's step mom, Eriboea, decided to go up and tell Hermes that the boys had Ares.
Damn it I thought friendly fire was turned off!
And 2. that Artemis offered herself to Otus in exchange for Ares' freedom.
Much like the famous story when Thor had to crossdress as Freyja to kill the giant Prymr to get his hammer back, this was a plan by Artemis to get Ares back. How? Well as soon as she was given to Otus, Ares was released, but soon Ephialtes became envious that his brother got what he wanted, yet he did not have Hera.
Soon the two began to argue, which led to a screaming, and then eventually leading to the two fighting. Seeing this as her opportunity, Artemis turned herself into a doe and began to look like she was going to flee. The brothers saw this and got back on the same page to stop her. They readied their spears and tried to lock on the fast doe, but they immediately regretted throwing them when they did.
That's because they threw them when Artemis was running between them! She of course was able to dodge the spears and led to the brothers impaling each other, thus completing the prophecy that the brothers would only killed by themselves. Artemis then returned Olympus, Ares took a shower for a couple of years, and Poseidon kept on raping/impregnating women with his foaming waves.
Since I couldn't find a metal song about this story, here is one of the song's from Age of Mythology titled "Adult Swim"
Wait I never heard this during the AS Bumpers!
Yep another day, another rape, god it's great to be all powerful
So yeah Poseidon, doing his sea god thing, noticed a beautiful woman named Iphidemia who of course was some royal chick from the city of Aloeus. How did Poseidon pick up this chick? By getting at her when she least expected it! While she was sunbathing on the beach, she decided to stand at the edge and let the waves hit her. So being sneaky like a Sly raccoon, Poseidon was able to impregnate her when the seawater touched her, well you know. (Hey, I guess it was to explain why waves are so foamy)
Anyway, nine months later she gave birth to twin boys, whom she would name Otus and Ephialtes. Because they were born in Aloeus, as they grew up they would be also known as the Aloadae and by grow up I mean fast. As if they were dipped in a vat of the FEV these two boys grew at a rate of 9 fingers (I'm sorry for the weird unit of measurement, but that's what wikipedia is giving me) a month! By the time that they were NINE years old, they were nine FATHOMS tall! (That is 52 feet btw)
As you can imagine, they were pretty fucking tall by the time they were young adults, but it should be noted that the two were nowhere near as beautiful as Orion. In essence they were the Kalibak to Orion's Orion and were upset about the probable parental favoritism that their step brother got from Poseidon. (And god is it hard to make a DCAU when the character has the same name; also I made that last part up and don't know if it is true.)
Oh you think we can't get up there? Prepare to eat your words Zeus!
Being the giants that they were, the young brothers had more anger and aggression than James Harrison being told that Roger was going to be fined for hurting a QB's self confidence because he rocked him like a hurricane. But I'm getting off topic, so let's get back on track. The brothers grew not only in size, but in their ambition, this led them to hatch an incredible plan.
They were going to storm Mount Olympus and then take Artemis and Hera for their wives. Otus would get Artemis and Ephialtes would get Hera. The plan to get to Olympus was not some over complicated plan like an Ocean's 11 casino heist, but pretty straightforward.
I am of course referring that these brothers were going to rip off two MOUNTAINS and pile them up on Mount Olympus (Yeah the palace of the Olympians wasn't actually on the physical summit of the mountain) to reach the home of the Gods and go on their merry kidnapping/raping way. However, before they could do this, they found a God just as hot headed as them to kidnap.
DEAR GOD GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!!!
This god was of course everyone's favorite Greek god to hate, Ares. The God of war must had said something that pissed the two off because as soon as they got the chance, they ringed him by the shirt and stuffed him down a large bronze pithos. (storage jar) Like Satan in John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness, Ares wanted out and he was going to go pull off the mother of all temper tantrums.
He screamed and he yelled in his bronze prison, but like sympathizing with a victim in an EC Horror comic it's so hard for us to feel sorry for this bastard. Now for how long was in this jar? 13 months or a whole Lunar year stuffed in a hot storage jar and Ares probably came out a little bit ripe. Now the only reason why Ares was let out was because of two reasons:
1. The brother's step mom, Eriboea, decided to go up and tell Hermes that the boys had Ares.
Damn it I thought friendly fire was turned off!
And 2. that Artemis offered herself to Otus in exchange for Ares' freedom.
Much like the famous story when Thor had to crossdress as Freyja to kill the giant Prymr to get his hammer back, this was a plan by Artemis to get Ares back. How? Well as soon as she was given to Otus, Ares was released, but soon Ephialtes became envious that his brother got what he wanted, yet he did not have Hera.
Soon the two began to argue, which led to a screaming, and then eventually leading to the two fighting. Seeing this as her opportunity, Artemis turned herself into a doe and began to look like she was going to flee. The brothers saw this and got back on the same page to stop her. They readied their spears and tried to lock on the fast doe, but they immediately regretted throwing them when they did.
That's because they threw them when Artemis was running between them! She of course was able to dodge the spears and led to the brothers impaling each other, thus completing the prophecy that the brothers would only killed by themselves. Artemis then returned Olympus, Ares took a shower for a couple of years, and Poseidon kept on raping/impregnating women with his foaming waves.
Since I couldn't find a metal song about this story, here is one of the song's from Age of Mythology titled "Adult Swim"
Wait I never heard this during the AS Bumpers!
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