Today I want to talk about a story regarding the hero Orion. You know, the guy who is a constellation now? Well he is a fairly unknown hero in Greek Mythology. But there are a couple of memorable stories about the giant son of Poseidon. (Who can walk on fucking WATER!) This is the story where a king blinds him and he must find away to get his sight back and get revenge on the King Oenopion.
Sorry guys, you are going to see a lot of pics involving star charts (God damn it Google Images!)
Our story begins with Orion walking on the water before Jesus made it cool. He then spots the island of Chios off the coast of Asia Minor. Deciding to see what's what, Orion walked onto the shoreline and found a nearby city, the people welcomed him. (Then again would you try to piss off the giant with a Big Fucking Sword?) The king of the island, Oenopion, personally invited Orion as his guest and asked him to attend the royal banquet.
Orion gladly accepted and was having a grand old time with the wine. (Oenopion was the son of Dionysus and that chick that Theseus ditched) So yeah Oenopion knew how to make some good wine and pretty soon he was drunk. And like any other drunk demigod giant, Orion decided to hit on Oenopion's daughter Merope. When she said no, well the giant slapped her silly and raped her. (Our hero folks! Plus how is he going to get that in her?) Needless to say, the king was not pleased with this development, so he waited until the giant passed out and stabbed out his eyes, before having hurled back into the sea. (Again how they picked up the giant and hurled him into the sea has yet to be answered)
Won't be the last metal song I post here that involves Orion that's for sure
When Orion awoke from his drunken stupor, he realized that not only did he have one hell of a hangover, but also he was completely blind! The giant screamed at the loss of his beautiful eyes and began a long period of wandering aimlessly. He would find help though a certain Olympian he bumped into in blind meanderings.
Orion bumbled his way to the island of Lemnos, where he was received by the kind smith god Hephaestus. The lame smith led the giant to his forge and told him of a way that he could regain his sight. It turns out what our mother's said was wrong, it actually helps to stare into the sun! (WARNING: This is a joke, staring into the sun will fuck up your eyes!)
Whoa do you see... oh sorry man I forgot
Yes good old Heph told the son of Poseidon that he needed to go to the far east and seek out the lord of the Sun, Helios. It was then that the lame smith offered his young apprentice Cedalion to aid him in his journey to the farthest part of East where they could find the Titan.
The young boy was picked up by Orion and placed upon his shoulders to be the eyes for the giant. By all accounts their trek was not difficult, but who knows maybe Cedalion lost his footing and fell off Orion's shoulders and got hurt. (There I contributing in making this myth a little more interesting, hooray!)
Anyway eventually the duo reached Helios' palace and the old titan of the sun used the power of sun rays to heal his eyes. Orion then returned to Lemnos, dropped off Cedalion and thanked Hephaestus for all his help, but there was one thing still eating Orion and that was revenge.
Eh fuck it, the Underground fortress of Chios is actually the mines of Moria
He really wanted to get his hands on Oenopion and rip him into many tiny pieces. (Yes the man who took out your eyes because you physically abused and raped his daughter deserves such a fate) However, when Orion returned to the island he could not find the king. What happened to him?
Well, after he no doubt saw the angry giant walking on water toward his from his palace, King Oenopion thought, "Well shit, better to get the fuck outta Dodge!" And decided to run underground into his fortress (Ironically constructed by Hephaestus) where he would hope for Orion to get frustrated at not finding him and move on.
Luckily for the king, this is what exactly happened, Orion went up and tried to find the king, but after a while of fruitless searching the giant gave up and left Chios to search for more hot women to rape and more game to hunt. Now because the fortress that Oenopion apparently hid in was made out of metal, what better way to end it with a song by Metallica?
Yep I always save the best for last
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