09 Moments in Greek Mythology- Achilles and the Camper Paris

This story is well known by all. It is the story of Achilles and his notorious death. Now the idea that Achilles was basically indestructible is actually more recent than the Iliad, in fact there are scenes in the Iliad where Achilles is wounded. Then later on someone had the idea that Achilles' mother either dipped him in the River Styx, covering his heel, or that he was placed over a fire to burn the mortality from him and that the process was stopped when his father pulled Achilles from the fire when the process was nearly complete. As we all should know, Achilles was killed by that loser Prince of Troy Paris, who was hated by Greeks and Trojans alike. Now I want to show you how much a douchebag Paris was in the death of Achilles.

Take away my concubine? Hell no!

So near the end of the Trojan War, Achilles strikes up a deal with the Trojan king Priam. Achilles wants to marry Priam's daughter, Polyxena, and in doing so would end the war  that had cost the lives of thousands upon thousands of men. Priam, the wise king that he is, agrees to this and agrees to give Menelaus his wife back from Paris. Now Paris (or Alexandros) still does not want to give up Helen despite all the death and destruction that he is wrought upon his own people because of his lust.  Thus he comes up with the brilliant idea to kill Achilles and thus continue the war.

Man I am a way better warrior than my brother , durr.

And so Achilles is tricked by Paris that Polyxena is waiting for him next to a shrine of Apollo. When Achilles comes over Paris, like the fucking camper that he is, shoots a poisoned arrow that had to be guided by Apollo (so he even sucks at camping?) and hits that infamous heel. Achilles rolls around in pain as Paris watches gleefully as he doomed his city to be razed by the Greeks. What I hate the most is this is the worst death Achilles can face, not killed by a worthy opponent, but by a wormy wuss who uses the most unheroic weapon of antiquity, the bow and arrow. This the precursor to the death of Patton, except it did not involve a car. 

Well Said, Well said

Thankfully this douchebag gets his comeuppance, you see when the Greeks finally decided save Philoctetes, since it was prophesized that the Greeks could not Troy without him. When he came with his enorumus bow that was once the tool of Heracles himself, he decided to make an impact and in battle shoot the arrow tipped with the poisonous blood of Hydra at Paris. Paris after being shot, rushed to his former love, a nymph named Oenone, and asked her to heal him. Thankfully, Oenone refused and let Paris die a horrible painful death. But the remenants of Paris still remain to this day, in the form of noobs and campers every where. 

The Offspring of Paris

Next Time: Philoctetes and the Greek army