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Friday, October 15, 2010

017 The Murder of Palamedes

Once again I scourer to the Epic Cycle for a appropriate  tale of douchebaggery
Fear my mad jumps, BIATCH!

Not many people know of the Greek hero Palamedes (not even spellcheck), but he is very important hero to the Greeks since he invented the following:  counting, currency, weights and measures, jokes, dice and a forerunner of chess called pessoi, as well as military ranks. Sometimes he is credited with discoveries in the field of wine making and the supplementary letters of the Greek alphabet. (Source Wikipedia). Know I don't know you, but that is some impressive feats, but this is about moments of douchebaggery so how did our friend Palamedes get shafted in the ass.

I mad as a fox!

And who is that man depicted in the statute above us? Why it is Odysseus, star of "The Odyssey", of course. You see Odysseus originally didn't want to fight the Trojans even though he agreed to the pact that all the suitors of Helen made when Menelaus was declared Helen's husband. So Odysseus pretended he went mad when the Achaean kings came for him to fulfill his obligations. He yoked a donkey and cattle and started to plow the fields with salt. Most of the Greek kings saw this and believed that Odysseus had indeed gone mad, all except Palamedes who saw through his ruse. Palamedes thus took Telemachus, Odysseus' baby son, and placed him on the field directly in Odysseus' path, okay that is a little harsh. Odysseus at once snapped out of his fake madness and begrudgingly went with the Greeks, but never forgave Palamedes' actions.

ODYSSEUS SMASH!!

During the Trojan War, Palamedes made the mistake of proposing to leave Troy and return home. Odysseus, seeking a chance to get revenge on Palamedes, finally had an opportunity to frag Palamedes. Odysseus hid some gold and forged a letter from Priam, king of Troy, in Palamedes' tent. When Odysseus accused Palamedes, he showed the Greek kings his planted evidence and thus Palamedes was found guilty of treachery.

Damn you Odysseus, Damn you to hell! (apparently Dante was on Palamedes side)

Palamedes' death differs from sources, the most well known source said he was stoned, must resist pot joke, to death by Odysseus and Diomedes. In another source he was drowned to death by the Odysseus and Diomedes. And finally some say he was tricked into looking for treasure in a well and was crushed to death by stones. While Palamedes' actions were less than admirable in getting Odysseus to join them, I don't think Odysseus needed to go murder him.

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